Monday, February 22, 2010

"Mother" - Another Word For %!#@&

I've been on the search of good blog reading. I have found it very difficult to find very many that don't involve potty training. Don't get me wrong, they are cute blogs and stuff, but I do like to play with children my own age, too. There are a lot of "Mommy Blog" networks out there. It's like the word "mommy" has taken over who we are.

Don't misinterpret what I'm saying, being a mom is a very huge part of our lives. Some women don't get that chance and we that are should consider ourselves lucky. It's not as easy as 1+1=3 all the time. It's 1+1+X+Y+another X + Dr. + OBGYN ÷ $ sometimes = 0, 3 or 8. And some women just never wanted the whole "alien growing within" experience.

Fifi has three children. Those who know me know I have a ba-jillion stories about each one of them. Being a mom has definitely been the most worn hat. It's been my favorite hat stained in my children's slobber, baby vomit, fecal matter, urine, blood, dirt, cake, homework, tears and the only way to keep those stains under control is with continuing love smoothed on it. There's nothing like the mommy hat.

There comes a point when it is so ragged and you don't really want to wear it in public and sometimes you have to anyway. It's part of who you are. There comes a time it embarrasses your children when you wear it. That's when finally Motherhood pays off!

Mom: "Remember that tantrum you threw in the mall and EVERYONE looked at us?"

17 Year Old: "C'mon, Mom. I said I was sorry a million times."


17 YO whispering firmly: "Mom, stop it! People are looking at you."


17 YO walks away like she doesn't know her own mother. Mom follows making gurgling sounds with the mucus that has formed in the back of her throat, snorting, sniffling.

So worth the stretch marks at this point. Then there was that time I accidentally farted in front of all her friends. I'll save that for next Monday.

I think motherhood is very much like breeding dogs. I've never bred dogs, though I seriously refer to my children as puppies. They say that when you have a female dog (AKA bitch) and she has a litter of puppies, it makes her a better bitch. Some women are the same way. It's only after they have a puppy or five they become a better bitch. They can't be so wrapped up in themselves and learn to attend to other needs. I've heard many a time "she just needs to have children." C'mon, you've heard it, too. Now you know why that makes sense.

Even though like dogs, we are left with sagging breasts forever, the pups move on, gain some independence and we have to go back to remembering who we were. That's why we have this identity crisis thing happening.

Back to good blogs - if you know of any good blogs that don't trigger the smell of a dirty diaper in my head, please refer it. I need to put a blog roll on my sidebar and would love other women who are also going through mid-life (or close enough) and even men, if they aren't scared off from female dogs.


Sharon said...

Halarious! I love reading your blogs!

Lisa said...

Can we post YOUR blog?

Krista said...

You mean I can blame my children for turning me into a *itch?!

April said...

Loved it!

Kari said...

I think if men had the babies, they might not be such basta*#%@! Then they might care more for the kids they helped create!

BTW, my blog is not listed on your side panel....I DEFINITELY fit the criteria!

Baby Rocket Dog and Hootie said...

Hellooooo there hooman. We are dogs, and have both been 'fixed', so don't speak of no stinkin' keeds on our blog!! Our mommy is pushin' 60 so she rarely talks of anything other than US, wonderful us!! Please come visit is sometime. Oh, and Mom's blog is address is She sometimes mentions our hooman sissy, but not incessantly.;<)
Smooches from pooches,
BabyRocketDog and Hootie