Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Finding Fifi - My Identity Crisis

Well, it was inevitable. I am the classic storybook textbook case of a lady going through mid-life crisis. I was MIA again but it wasn't in vain. I had the classic identity crisis. If you were visiting and revisiting my blog looking for me, I wasn't here because I was looking for myself.

Because I want to come across as a professional and show you that I'm a graduate of Oprah University, Dr. Phil's College and a PHD in the School of Hard Knocks, I found some symptoms in case you are wondering if you are having an identity crisis, as well. Do any of these symptoms sound familiar? I've added a few notes to help you from my own experiences. You're welcome.

1.Looking into the mirror and you no longer recognize yourself. Seriously. Who is that tired looking, old woman looking back at me? Is that a new wrinkle? Oh, nope. Just toothpaste on the mirror. Whew.
2.Unexplained bouts of depression when doing tasks that used to make you happy. I found this a contradictory symptom. We all know our memory isn't worth a pile of pelican poop. Who can remember what made us happy? I still eat don't I? I'll be depressed when I run out of food.
3.A desire to get into physical shape. This is a serious symptom - not to mention the dangers of putting your body into serious shock, you could hurt yourself. But if Hubby is all of a sudden pumping iron, add a little more butter to your cooking. No reason for him to show you up.
4.Change in allergies. Really? I didn't realize this was an identity issue, but I have found when I eat chocolate my whole butt swells up.
5.Exploring new musical tastes. Just because I can't see the radio stations displayed on the dashboard anymore doesn't mean I'm having an identity crisis. Plus it's great when you want to punish your kids. It's like "time out" with an old-fashioned beat!
6.Thinking about death, wondering about the nature of death. Well, it's usually when I am in my car, alone, and someone has just cut me off. I'm thinking about their death. I know. I'm always thinking of others.
7.Excessively buying new clothes and taking more time to look good. Ladies, I know we can't help it that the styles are getting better and better. We are stimulating the economy, it is our duty. If we stimulate the public, too, it's an extra bonus.
8.Hair changes such as new color or style. Have you seen women who never change their hair or style? They look like a combination of a big-haired babe from Footloose meets a zombie from Thriller. Not good. Even an old barn looks better with a coat of paint.
9.A desire to surround yourself with different settings. Some call it an identity crisis, I call it travel. I'd like to surround myself with palm trees about now.
10.Hanging out with a different generation as their energy and ideas stimulate you. In reality, it's just because we are the one with the money and the driver's license.
11.Restarting things, which you dropped 20 years earlier. What about things that are dropping that started 20 years earlier?
12.Leaving family or feeling trapped in current family relationships. It really is too late to put your children up for adoption. I keep child-proofing my home, but they keep coming back.
13.Doing things that surprise everyone as being out of character. So what. I ordered a salad. What's the big deal?

I hope if you are in the midst of looking for yourself that you remember this one thing: Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.