Idiot Parking

Today my whine will be about people who can't park their cars. There's plenty of handicap parking (which seem to be empty most of the time) but there is never any designated "Idiot Parking" places. They seem to park where ever they want. It really annoys me to no end when you finally find that awesome parking spot and NO! Some idiot has crossed the line. Literally. Taking up two parking spaces. Usually it is a HUMONGOUS SUV or truck that no one should be driving unless they plan on firing a cannon from it. This is an event that will usually cause a swear word to slip out of my mouth.

"Why can't people with their big damn cars learn to park the damn things?" I usually say to anyone who will listen. I actually drive a mini van, which could be described as a "larger" vehicle. But I know how to park between the lines. Sometimes I've had to do a three point turn to get into a parking space, but at least no one questions my ability to park and my intelligence level.

Seriously, one day I came out to my car from a female clothing store and the car next to me parked two inches away from my driver's side door. My parking was fine, but she had crossed the line! Not even Twiggy could maneuver getting into her car like that. I was freakin' mad. So I did the unthinkable. I got my lipstick out of my purse and I wrote on her windshield, "NICE PARKING." What I meant to write was, "How the hell did you expect me to get into my car, Idiot?" but I didn't want to use up all my lipstick. I had to go in through my passenger's side and crawl across the seats. Lucky I was much less fat and forty back then or I would have had her paged in the store. "Will the idiot driving the small blue car trapping another vehicle please move your car so they can leave now? Paging the idiot who doesn't know how to park."