Monday, March 22, 2010

Things Close to My Heart

The other day when I was taking a shower I dropped the soap. I bent over to pick it up and all of a sudden I had this shooting pain go right through my shoulder and neck and right down my shoulder blade. Then I realized I was stepping on my boob.

I've decided you have to be careful what you pray for when you're a teenager. I remember being a size zero at age 14 (it's very vague, but I can remember) and my little size A cup bra. My cousin and I would see older teenage girls who were a little more filled out and we wished. Oh, how we wished. My cousin actually got a breast augmentation, which means she had some boob implants for those who aren't familiar with the medical term for hot tatas.

After nursing three kids and a husband my dreams finally came true. But wait, this was the dream that is out of control, kinda like the Willy Wonka girl that kept growing and growing. It gets to a point where they're not hot anymore.....in fact I'm afraid when I hug a small child that somehow they will disappear. How many children on milk cartons are actually lost in a granny's bosoms somewhere?

A friend of mine worked as a nurse in an old folks home and had to help an elderly lady who was very overweight shower. Her family would smuggle in food for her and she would hide things under her breasts. A couple of these items consist of a Twinkie and a sandwich. I thought maybe she invented paninis. Now I wonder if I will be just like that lady, lift up the old saggin' mammaries and behold - a warm four course meal and a piece of cheesecake that resembles a crepe.

7 comments:

Art Garden Diva said...

OMG I'm laughing out loud, and trying not to explain why! Great Post. Happy SITS Monday!

Linda said...

Hysterical! I knew a lady that had a breast reduction and had 5 lbs removed from each breast. That is the size of a chubby newborn! Please be careful when you bend over for the soap.

Lisa said...

My boobs have gone tubular. Tubular boobulars. When I'm leaning over to exercise...rare...I look down and wonder where the other side is to the boob, but there is no other side. It's just not right! Love the post!

Kari said...

I can't handle anything under my boobs! Not even sweat! So I guess sandwiches and twinkies are out or me.

Karen said...

Oh that is so sick and wrong. I can not stop laughing.

PaperFlora2 said...

love it....


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Linda said...

P.S. I left an award for you over at my blog!